Fear

Have you known fear?  Not just any fear.  I'm talking industrial strength, "valley of the shadow of death" fear?

I have had a taste of such fear.  Terror, it was.  Twenty-four years ago, I had an emergency appendectomy. As I began to return to consciousness from an anesthesia-induced sleep, I realized that I could not move my body.   Something in me was straining to move; but I could not move.  It was as if I were strapped in place and was utterly unable to move.  I believe what I was experiencing was claustrophobia.  I do not know how much time elapsed, before I was able move, but it felt like an eternity.  And every moment was hell.  

I'd forgotten the episode until I began to anticipate surgery for the osteoarthritis that is a significant source of pain for me.  The memory of the experience is visceral.  While I look forward to having my painful joints replaced, the thought of coming out of anesthesia to relive those terrifying moments is daunting.  I find myself waking from sleep in a cold sweat, just for the anticipation of the experience.  I have been reassured by several doctor friends that anesthesia has changed in the last two decades and that the likelihood of this happening again is slim.  But none of them can assure me it can't happen again....

Some of you experience on a regular basis the pain of this sort of fear.  You have my deepest sympathy.  I won't tell you what others have probably told you, "If you just have faith, you will not have fear.  Just trust God!"  Instead, I'll remind you that you have the best of company in your experience of fear: Jesus himself, who sweat drops of blood at the prospect of the terror of the cross.  Whatever part of Jesus's fear was an anticipation of pain, far more fear inducing for Him was the prospect of being separated from the love of His Father.  The prospect was terrifying for Him.

So, at least Jesus understands your fear.  And He promises to never leave you or forsake you.  He has already endured that separation for you.  



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